The pictures of Rita stunned me. Though we spoke at least weekly by phone for the last two years, Rita requested that I not visit for fear of exposing her vulnerable immune system to Covid or flu. Between the lockdown and her illness, I hadn’t seen her for at least two years when she died. Occasionally, she sent a photo of herself, always looking chic, even with her shorn head or dramatic weight loss. When I told her how beautiful she looked, she said, “I dress every morning, even if I’m not going to see anyone,” which expressed to me one of the many ways how Rita never stopped being fully alive.
Despite her suffering, she spoke eloquently, sometimes for more than an hour, about the meaning of her experience with cancer, her relationship with her doctors, whom she delighted in (and, it seemed, cared deeply for her), her excitement about doing the little things, like going with the driver she was particularly fond of to The Savoy to pick up her favorite foods or getting a visit from the nutritionist who had so improved the quality of her life. Sometimes it was just a short walk outside her door that captivated her. Till the end, even if she called to say she was too sick to talk, her clarity and power remained undiminished.
Rita never stopped asking about my day, my issues, and my health, always offering her excellent advice. She never stopped telling me about her friends, whose news always engaged her. Until her last two weeks, she often sent me copies of the readings that sustained her (the Greek Stoics), charmed her (Rilke, Rumi, New Yorker cartoons), or comforted her (Thich Nhat Hahn, whose calligraphed wisdom she gifted me).
Rita and I found each other some 25 years ago as New Yorkers transplanted to rural Ojai where she lived, improbably, on top of a lonely mountain, and ran her health spa, Sage Hill. We hiked together, conferred regularly, and stayed connected through her New York sojourn and her Santa Barbara years. Of her background, I can fill in some specifics which might explain a spirit so strong that illness never overshadowed it.
When she was five, her mother took her by train from British Columbia to Montreal to live with her father, whom she’d never met. Though shocked, he greeted her warmly, introduced her to his girlfriend and her son, and told Rita that the next day he’d go off to buy a farm where they could all live together. In the morning, he left and never came back. In two days, Rita lost her mother and father and was left with a stranger whose son, it turned out, was schizophrenic. Rita told me she knew she had to rely on herself. And Rita, being Rita (even at 5) did. She also found her path. That must have been how, as an adult, she was able to help so many others do the same.
I’ve always admired Rita’s groundedness, humor, and optimism. What amazed me is that in her illness, Rita had more of each, becoming a kind of “essence of Rita.” Actually, in those last months, I’d begun to think of her as an enlightened being, pointing the way to what matters.
